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LegumeMan Shirts

April 27, 2012

Hello renegades.

Recently, while  en route to the theatre to see the Danish adaptation of Paul Clitheroe’s MONEY, we were accosted by a small mob of  Yorkshire terriers. Anyone familiar with this ferocious breed would, of course, be aware of the sheer terror that rocketed through us as they overran our carriage and sent our footmen scurrying with mocking blasts from their tubas.  To say we were tremendously concerned about our continued personal safety would be an understatement. Immediately it was decided that group suicide was the only option to avoid further degradation. Mercifully though, we’d only just finished lubing up our broom handles when the leader of the canine ruffians stepped forward and set our minds at ease.

“Squires,” he bellowed from behind a poorly placed monocle. “Me and the rest of the cunts here were wondering how you’d feel about us printing up a t-shirt for your little publishing outfit.”

When his outburst was merely met with raucous – albeit relieved – laughter, his brow immediately furrowed, revealing another poorly placed monocle.

“What? It’s not funny?” he protested. “Simone here has made shirts for three of the members of Boney M and Darren over there once fucked a boa constrictor. Not relevant I know but an impressive achievement nonetheless.”

Despite admittedly being very impressed (and a little aroused) by their pedigree, once our tears of mirth dried, we immediately had to turn them down.

“You see,” we told them. “LegumeMan needs not another supplier of shirts.”

“You don’t?” The throng replied in incredulous shrill falsettos and a rain of misplaced monocles chinked to the ground as shock loosened the flexes holding them in place.

“Nay we don’t!” we replied and all at once tore away our spandex jumpsuits to reveal the majesty below.

Needless to say a jazz tap dance off followed the unveiling. We won’t bore you with the details. Suffice to say, as the schooling and frivolity abounded in equal doses, we got to thinking. If these fine terriers are unaware of the availability of our fine t-shirt then mayhap others too will be equally in the dark. The ramifications of this realisation stayed with us through the entire breathtaking performance of MONEY and ate away at us through the entire trip home.

“There’ll be so much rice…” We kept murmuring under our breath. “So, so much rice…”

Therefore we are very proud to reveal that a LegumeMan shirt does indeed exist and is easily available for purchase thanks to the good folk at Scurvy Ink. It can be found here and is so awesome that it’s guaranteed to melt at least 37% of your face.

And while you are swanning about on the Scurvy Ink site, why not investigate some of their other products. They have a remarkable array of awesome and some shirts that feature art from LegumeMan’s own Matthew Revert and Andrew Gallacher. Rumour is that wearing all the Scurvy Ink shirts simultaneously will grant you the power to fart yourself to the moon!

Until next time…

Let the night be,
The Brothers Gunther

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